As I was resting comfortably in my easy chair one afternoon with a tall glass of ice water within reach and a good book in hand, I was interrupted by the incessant ringing of the telephone. Try as I might, I just couldn't ignore it this time -- don't ask me why; usually I have no trouble ignoring the telephone.
After I said 'Hello', which I did with no small amount of apprehension and trepidation -- just knowing that I wasn't going to be able to spend a few quiet moments with my book -- I heard the unmistakable voice of my neighbor, Milo Bean. As usual, my apprehension and trepidation were well founded. I put down my book, and resigned myself to spending more than a few minutes listening to Milo complain about his latest disappointment in life.
"Hey, Buddy!", he said. He always calls me Buddy. Don't ask me why. "Guess what happened to me and Snookums last week. You'll never guess what we did and never in a million years will you guess what happened next." Even though he was exaggerating, I knew he was right.
I really didn't want to guess, so I said, "What?"
Milo then went on to tell me how he and his wife, Lucy, got it into their heads to go down to the local mall and get their ears pierced. It seems they saw some 'totally awesome' ear jewelry with a patriotic theme on the shopping channel one night and decided it was just the thing to do. Don't ask me why.
He then went on about how they got this fabulous looking ear jewelry in the mail and put them on immediately; and about how they walked around the grocery store and the post office and (on and on and on) and how nobody seemed to notice them.
I was just about to ask him to come over and show me how they looked -- don't ask me why -- when he said, "And the most horrible thing happened this morning! Snookums and I just woke up this morning and all of our ears were all swollen up as big as big can be and they're all red and they hurt like HECK!"
I could tell Milo was really worked up about it because he rarely uses such strong language. Despite that, though, I was having trouble keeping the laughter I was feeling out of my voice. I could just picture Milo and Lucy looking at each other's swollen, red ears and bawling their eyes out. Even so, I had to try to help them deal with the situation if I could.
So I said, "Milo, I know just the person who can help you feel like your red, swollen ears aren't so bad. Let me call him and see if he'll come over and talk with you for a few minutes."
So I sent Jauq over to show him the head transplant he got instead of the Ben Afleck look he wanted.